Eleven.

It took me seven more minutes to figure out what was going on. Had I been dreaming? Was it all in my head? At what point would I have not been dreaming? Or was it real? Did I just not remember the walk home? Did Spencer say goodbye? Before I could begin to try and answer any of these questions, my attention was drawn back to my leg. There was blood. So much blood. And yellow. Infection, maybe? I touched it. I saw the blood on my hand and yet felt no pain. That's when I realized I couldn't feel my leg anymore. I focused so hard on trying to remember what it was like to have feeling in my leg but nothing happened. I just sat there in my own blood, my own disbelief, still confused. Reality, dreams...what happened to me? I heard a soft noise and turned my head towards my makeshift door. "Tommy?" I asked. God, here we go again. What's wrong with me? Tommy is dead. Tommy is dead. I killed Tommy, he can't be here. But he was there, in the doorway. And then he was there, by my wound, with a bandage. "Where did you get that?" I asked. He just smiled. He wrapped my wound so delicately, smiling. I could hear his laugh again and it took me back to that day. That's when I felt the tears on my cheek. I had no idea when I had started to cry but all I could think about was that day. "I'm so sorry. Tommy. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have asked you to go, you shouldn't have jumped, I should have jumped. I'm so sorry." He just looked at me, and his smile turned from one of joy to one of concern. He touched my cheek and wiped off some tears. He wouldn't say anything, he just sat there with me. I felt so tired. Just as I began to sleep, I thought I could hear him say "Go to sleep, kid." That felt so homey, so familiar. I think I fell asleep smiling when the dream began. I was back home, at 157 Walker Lane. Tommy was pushing me on the tire swing and we were laughing so hard it hurt. Everything was whiter than usual, it was so bright. But Tommy made it feel so normal. It was such a happy dream, I didn't want to wake up. I looked down the hill towards the house and I saw them, Mom and Dad. More importantly, I saw their smiles. I could hear them telling me they loved me. I heard my mom more than anyone. "We were always smiling at you sweetie. You never should have left." Hearing those words made everything click in my head. In my dream, we were happy and I was with my family. In my dream, I couldn't even imagine wanting to wake up. In my dream, I just had absolutely no desire to wake up. I wanted to stay there forever with Tommy and my parents, the ones who forgave me. In reality, they never forgave me. In reality, Tommy was gone. In reality, I was never going to wake up.